The Random Griffith

I may not be on here too much for a bit

Posted in Uncategorized by Jackson Griffith on 07/03/2010

As I’d mentioned in earlier posts, something is seriously wrong with my two-year-old MacBook. I just went through a pretty insane bunch of rigamarole just to finish a 650-word piece, one of which involved me stupidly transcribing from my digital recorder into a Word document, because my recorder wouldn’t work with this other computer from which I type this, and then I wasn’t able to save the document, nor could I cut and paste into an email, so I had to sit there and retype the transcription into Google Documents, which fortunately I was able to access on this other computer. Fortunately, I didn’t freak out or lose my cool or get all pissed off, which meant that I was able to keep moving forward doggedly until I finished.

This is progress. Progress is good.

I have a friend who told me, be positive. Don’t post any of this negative stuff on your blog or on your Facebook page, she said, because people read it and go, well, there he goes again. And while currently I am frustrated — that I’m still not working, that I don’t have a real place I can call home, that I’ve had to give up a lot of things, and that I’ve experienced real hardship this past year, I probably should frame that by pointing out how grateful I am, at depth, that I’ve had people who cared for me and helped me out, and I’m grateful that every day is a new day and a fresh shot at things getting better. Sometimes it feels like I’m just spinning my wheels in a ditch, but sometimes there are moments of progress.

I’ll take those, for what they’re worth.

So here I sit, having to let go of the hope that I could have used this past week to record demo versions in GarageBand of the 14 songs I wrote last month for February Album Writing Month, because my hard drive is toast. I think they’re pretty good songs. And I guess if they’re that good, I guess I can wait to record them until I get a replacement drive from the manufacturer, and in the meantime I can practice them and get inside them to make them breathe better and find their nuances and change and shape them and work out groovy little parts. Which is, in a way, making sweet lemonade from sour lemons, as the old cliche goes.

Okay, so here are a few wishes and hopes, since I have no idea how soon it will be that I return to this space, and because I’m coming up on what astrologers call a solar return, two weeks from now — for the non-astrologically inclined of you, an alternative term is “birthday” — perhaps it might be good to frame a few aspirations. First, I really want to be self-supporting by my own contributions. I need and want a job, a steady job, so that I can pay back the people who generously helped me and make other financial amends, and help out my adult daughter who’s about to graduate from college, and then get a place, however small, that I can call my own. And second, I want to make some real headway on a few creative projects I have in the works. Finding a measure of stability so I can do that is important. I’ve lived like a refugee for too long now, and I don’t care to do it much longer if that can be helped. Having a personal center spot where I can get good rest, and eat reasonably well, and create, is really important to me.

There are other things I wouldn’t mind having in my life, but I can most likely live without, at least for a while. I had to give up my car to a bank that took a $25 billion bailout from the taxpayers, so right now I’m riding a bike. I love cars, as you may be able to figure out from all the car ads I post here. Especially vintage European cars. I think when I’m back in the swing of things, I’d like to find a Volvo Amazon or PV 544 and fix it up, but that can wait. The other thing I miss is having, well, a consistent feminine presence in my life in the form of a partner, but that’s something that, while desirable, isn’t absolutely imperative. What’s important is to find within my own self those things I think I need from someone else (and, um, I’m talking in the psychological sense, not the physical), and to a large degree I’ve been able to do that — find my center, rest in it, accept who and what I am at this particular point in time. Chalk that up to daily prayer, meditation and recovery work. Or something. Heck whiz and gosh darn, I don’t know.

At any rate, goodbye for now. I hope to be back sooner rather than later. —Jackson Griffith


5 Responses

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  1. mycrazylosttheory said, on 07/03/2010 at 02:05

    Hey Jackson…. sounds like you and I are in similar rusted out rowboats… though lately mine feels like a dingy. It’s a great place for lots of personal reflection and figuring out what really matters in life. Sounds like you’ve figured that out though.
    Anyway… I had no idea you were going through so much crap and now I’m officially pissed at Sacramento. I feel like you, along with J. Perry, are institutions in that town. You’ve both given so much to the music scene and the media there and it’s repaying you guys by chewing you up and trying to spit you out. I’d like to kick Sac in the nuts! Ha!
    Anyhow… Keep thinking about abundance and it will find you in strange and wonderful ways!
    ~ p

  2. Brother Dan said, on 07/03/2010 at 03:11

    Hey Jackson –

    I, for one, appreciate honesty. As such a one, I think it’s okay to let people know when you’re having a tough time of it. It brings hope as I watch someone make a comeback, as you inevitably will, and I can only hope that others will gain that same hope as well.

    As for me, I believe that what I go through is all for a reason, and unfortunately (because it’s at my expense), that reason is so that I can help the next one behind me get through similar things. That’s comforting in a twisted kind of way, which I think you can appreciate.

    So, keep up the good work, even while you’re not working. To keep up with me as I slog through the mud, go to

    Brother Dan
    p.s. If you don’t have a gig tonight, come on by Luna’s 6:00-8:30pm, no cover.

  3. jaxong said, on 07/03/2010 at 14:02

    Thanks, Dan. I wanted to make your gig, but I couldn’t. As of now, I’m offline; don’t know when I’ll be back up. I’m gonna shoot for open mic at F&G this week. Hope all’s well with you. Best, jbg

    And thanks, too, ph. Checked your blog, but I’ve been without a TV for a while (and without a lot of so-called essentials, really), and I’m gonna have to wait until I’m flush so that I can hole up with the DVDs from Lost and check up. I dig JJ Abrams, so that’s definitely on my agenda. Be well, jbg

  4. Bella Q said, on 08/03/2010 at 00:57

    Meester Jackson, Life can be hard, and it looks like you’ve had a couple of very hard years. My heart goes out to you. I’ve noticed around me, that recently there have been a lot of peeps dealing with stuff, and not just economical. Hang in there, buddy. Can’t promise you the bucket of a rainbow, because, well, Life didn’t come with a money back guarantee. But we’ve got to figure out a way to savor whatever good we’ve been given; even if it’s the same ol’ piece of dried crust we’ve been sucking on for days. When you do hit a windfall, I know you’ll celebrate in style. Take it easy, we’re rooting for you.

    • jaxong said, on 08/03/2010 at 13:21

      Thanks, Bella. I’m on here momentarily, after having installed a friend’s old hard drive, which is loaded with so much shit that it doesn’t function, and my DVD is messed up and won’t read my install disk to wipe the drive. Sooooo, well, roll with the punches. As for dealing with the suck, I became a practicing Buddhist a few years ago, which basically means that I try to accept what is on a daily basis (and there’s some other stuff I do, like practice meditation along with metta or Buddhist lovingkindness practice, and study the Dharma), but mostly I just wake up grateful that I’m still drawing breath. I do appreciate he kind note, and thank you for it. Best, jbg

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