The Random Griffith

More fun with a malfunctioning Mac

Posted in Uncategorized by Jackson Griffith on 13/03/2010

My Fiat, erm, Mac ate my install disc and won’t give it back. Mom!

Seriously, this would make for great comedy if it wasn’t so damned irritating.

A recap: I installed a hard drive from a friend’s old MacBook, after my Mac got all jinky with crossed-up conditions last week and a remedy of High John the Conqueror Root, Four Thieves vinegar and Jinx Remover floor wash didn’t do it no good. Actually, I merely threatened the Mac to clean it with a homemade hoodoo-based remedy, and it remained utterly indifferent to my imprecations.

Things I learned: If you can’t get your MacBook’s DVD drive to read a disc, like the install CD that it kept whirring and stopping three times before spitting out like a pussycat turning up its finicky nose at Walmart budget-label cat food, turn your Mac upside down, keyboard facing the floor. The disc will then engage. (Thanks, Alex!) Also, if the fan in your Mac sounds like a jet spooling up for takeoff, shut down the computer, disconnect the power cable, pull the battery out, hold the power button down for five seconds, then put the battery back in and reconnect the power cable, and then reboot. One problem, solved. But I’m still having problems.

Fortunately, I’m smart enough to eschew the solution found by these morons:

Understandably, some people get quite frustrated.

For me, the above solutions would be straight out of an episode of Ow! My Balls!

But, like I said, I’m frustrated. I was able to wipe the old drive and reinstall OS X Leopard, but then install disc 2 got stuck in the DVD drive, and it won’t eject. It makes noises like it’s going to eject, but then nothing happens. I’ve been able to eject discs before, using tricks found on various Mac forums, like rebooting while holding down a mouse button, then sticking cardboard in the slot while pressing “eject,” or tilting the computer at a 45-degree angle, or holding it up to a picture of a giant squid while hissing “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!” in a threatening stage whisper, but this time, nothing’s working.

Soooo, Mac fans and Cupertino Kool-Aid enthusiasts (hi, Jerry!), I’m hoping one of you can come up with a solution. The design of this DVD drive, with a little slot where the disc is enters and, presumably, exits when “eject” is pressed, seems woefully inadequate, and I think the MacBook casing and drive slot may have warped ever so slightly after the computer’s plastic top started rotting off (which is an acknowledged Apple design defect, which they will fix and replace for free at the Apple Store), and now I need a little more assistance. The Apple Store offered assistance, to the tune of just south of $300 to replace the optical drive, or $80 just to open the computer, but I don’t have that kind of scratch lying around right now.

Oh, and Mr. Jobs: Your Lancia Fulvia Coupe is waiting in the driveway. I understand it’s a bit rusty. —Jackson Griffith


2 Responses

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  1. Daniel R said, on 13/03/2010 at 07:36

    what part of a woman is the Fulvia?

    • jaxong said, on 13/03/2010 at 08:00

      It’s Lancia Fulvia, not labia fulvia? I think. But use your imagination, Daniel.

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